Please panic – Nelsson is still alive

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    • I am Nelsson
      and I'm suffering from an existential crisis

    Get Up Early

    Posted by nelsson on August 4, 2009

    Get up Early ARound 8 o’clock get your act together and don’t turn around one more time never because it will screw up your discipline get some breakfast whole wheat bread and have a cup of coffee with it or two or three no sugar no milk just a cup of coffee and a piece of fruit preferably not an orange a kiwi might be nice or even better a banana get ready for work get in your car and drive off at a reasonable speed not exceeding any limit sing along to your favorite record if you have any means of playing music in your sorry excuse for a car you’re lucky it’s working at all except when it’s new and you are actually very proud of yourself park your car neatly in between the lines and go in with a smile flirt with the woman behind the desk say something like wow you look beautiful today ask her if she can watch over your keys while you’re working or hell why don’t you tell her why you’re really there then walk into your boss’ office and tell him you think he is a nice man who has earned your respect mention your co-workers in plural give him a stupid gift like an umbrella and walk out the door saying oh yeah by the way i resign strip yourself of your suit and dance around in your underwear then run to your car where you will have a spare set of clothes something tight but casual not overdone but sexy and get out into town drink ’till you drown and please i beg you pick up someone really cute show that person you are intelligent and good looking if that doesn’t work out let them come to you if that doesn’t work out you will have to let go of any prejudice you have about yourself and leave your doubts drowning in some smelly sewer greet people make eye contact and act like you’re confident standing up tall walking with your chin planted in the air it won’t come down what the fuck is going on you have become an entirely different person and will never be ignored by anyone who’s attention you desire.


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