I like doing nothing in particular. There is a taboo on this. We always have to do something productive or interesting or something to develop your inner self or crap like that. I for one find this a disgusting way of living. I can’t stand constant pressure. I am very good at doing nothing and I can recommend it to you. Just let it go.
Ironically, I feel happier when I do something I really love doing, like writing a play or a film scene or making music. I need to learn to think about myself for five minutes without being negative.
In all honesty, I feel guilty for writing all these personal difficulties down. I am not depressed or bipolar or autistic, I’m just 21 and I have a negative outlook on life. Some people are happier than others. I’m just not dealing with it right now, at all. I need to start being comfortable about myself.
I also feel guilty for not posting any creative writing on this blog. I just don’t do much creative writing! I don’t feel like writing. When I’m feeling creative, I play music. When I’m not, I don’t want to go through the trouble of judging my own writing skills. They usually don’t come off well.
So you see, my mind works this way. I want to share my thoughts, but when I do, I feel like I’m whining about the quality of my life, which is not that bad. Are you reading this? I constantly twist and turn until I realize my thoughts are part of a downward spiral, at which point I stop doing anything and just feel sad. My thoughts are a prison. I am the guardian. As long as I think I can break free, I can. I just don’t think I can.
It’s a maze. There are paradoxes everywhere, conflicting thoughts, and every corner I turn there is a dead end. There should be an exit somewhere.
I’ll try to find it. But for now,
SOMETHING CRASHED INTO SATURN”S RINGS!